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NOTE TO READER: THE PRELUDE TO THIS SCREENPLAY ([["CLAPPING FOR THE WRONG REASONS"|"CLAPPING FOR THE WRONG REASONS"]]) IS AVAILABLE ON THE WEBSITE<a href="http://www.youtube.com"> YOUTUBE</a> FOR FREE CONSUMPTION. IT MAY OR MAY NOT GIVE CONTEXT TO THIS WORK YOU’RE READING.
[[You can’t live your life on a bus...|CAMP]]
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[[...bec a use the in t e rnet|BTI-2]]
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EXT. CHURCH PARKING LOT - DAY
A white bus opens it’s door and a flood of children run off laughing and screaming. After the initial burst, three girls get off laughing. After them, A LITTLE BOY steps off. He’s walking slow and somber.
All the parents in the parking lot are hugging and kissing their kids. Lots of kids are laughing. The Boy keeps walking until he reaches a black limousine parked at the far end.
A chauffeur (old heavyset white guy) stands holding the door open waiting for The Boy.
CHAUFFER
Ey! Look who it is.
He holds out his hand for a high-five. The kid jumps, hi-fives him, and slides into the limo.The Boy’s FATHER [[Rick Ross|Rick Ross]] is sitting by the far door. The limo starts off.
The Boy and his father sit in silence for what feels like 8 hours.
FATHER
How was camp?
The Boy “shrugs”.
FATHER (CONT'D)
You make any friends?
THE BOY
No.
The father laughs under his breath...but the laugh turns into a smh.
FATHER
Elise made you something special tonight.
THE BOY
Frito pie.
FATHER
I don’t know. She didn’t say-
THE BOY
(cutting him off)
It’s Frito pie.
Silence. Father stares at him, then looks out the window.
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EXT. MANSION - DAY
The Chauffeur helps Father out the car. The Boy jumps out and walks toward the front of his home. The [[Mansion|"CLAPPING FOR THE WRONG REASONS"]] is dope. Very Big, and not gaudy. It looks classic.
INT. MANSION - DAY
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An infinity pool lines the horizon in the backyard. A spiral staircase fades up the wall and into the master bedroom upstairs. You can see all of this from the foyer, which has a large Buddha statue in the center of it. The place is very clean. Someone seems to care, or is paid to care.
The Father’s phone rings:
FATHER
Hello.
PHONE VOICE
Hello, this is the Califax collection-
Father hangs up. His cell phone goes off.
The Boy walks into the kitchen. It’s a big kitchen. There’s a chef making food. He waves to The Boy. The Boy throws up a deuce. He gets a s’more Pop tart, then walks back out.
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INT. BOY’S ROOM - DAY
The Boy walks in and drops his backpack and jacket in the doorway. He kicks off his shoes. They fly across the room, hit the wall, and fall in a pile of shoes on the ground. We see there’s a big black/brown stain on the wall where The Boy’s been kicking shoes for years. Doesn’t look like he ever wears the same shoe twice.
The Boy rips the bag of pop tart open with his mouth as he sits at his desk and opens his laptop. There’s a picture of a woman holding a child. She’s wearing one of those fly tracksuits from 1995. The one’s people wore a lot during the centennial Olympics.
He starts checking his mail. His friend [[FAM|“FAM”]] sent him something that says “this is you” with a link. The Boy clicks the link and a video of a woman blowing a horse comes up. The Boy watches the video for longer than you should watch a horse blowing video. He closes the video.
He goes onto<a href="http://www.hotnewhiphop.com/"> HOTNEWHIPHOP.COM</a>. There’s a new Rich Homie Quan <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KKbdErJkiY">song</a> out. It’s listed as “VERY HOTTTTTTT”. The Boy looks in the comment section, reading what people are saying.
“This nigga sound like a broke-ass Future! (crying emoji)” is the top comment.
The Boy stares. Then types “fuck u niggers” in the comments.
He waits. He takes a bite out of his pop tart.
He refreshes the page. People immediately respond with “Fuck U”, “You wouldn’t say that to my face faggot”, and “LMFAO crackers b crazy”
The Boy smiles.
[[Because the Internet|BTI-2]]<b>15 YEARS LATER</b>
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INT. THE BOY’S ROOM - EARLY MORNING
The room is an elegant mess. There’s shit everywhere, but everything has it’s place. Classic furniture; someone with old money would invest in, is used for the bed, desk, desk chair. You can see from where most of the trash accumulates that the occupant spends most of his time on the computer.
There is a pile of stacked and flattened gummy bear wrappers by the desk. There’s a picture of The Boy and his father on the boy’s desk, along with a flash drive that has “hackz” written on it. A small vaporizer charges and glows green on the edge. There’s a half ounce of weed in a plastic bag to the left of the laptop on the desk.
There’s a black and white Bill Withers poster, a Gorillaz “Demon Days” poster, and a “Black Dynamite” poster. All framed. Stacks of records are placed on a shelf lining the wall. There are some old 70’s soul records by a record player on the shelf. Norman Connors “You Are My Starship” is the album on top of the others. Little hills of dirty clothes grow up the walls from the floor. Same pile of shoes is there. Wall with same dirty spot. The closet is filled with white shirts and flower shorts. There’s one very old and tattered Shearling coat that hangs to the right.
The Boy (more a man now) is sprawled out on his bed, no shirt and flower shorts. He opens one eye as very faint, dark orange sunlight from the blinds cut his face. He gets up.
[[NEXT|BTI-3]]INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
The Buddha statue again. There’s empty old beer and Pellegrino bottles on the bar. The entire back of the living room wall is glass. The boy walks briskly to the kitchen.
[[NEXT|BTI-4]] INT. KITCHEN - DAY
The the kitchen is a slight mess. Things left out. S’mores makings left out. The marshmallows are hard as stones. The boy goes into the cabinet and pulls out a pop tart. He takes out a pop tart and throws it in the microwave, wrapper still on (you’re not supposed to do that). He starts the microwave and begins texting someone. The microwave is okay for about 5 seconds, then blue sparks start to pop inside. He turns off the microwave, opens it, grabs the pop tart and tosses it on a plate.
[[NEXT|BTI-5]]EXT. BACKYARD - EARLY MORNING
The Boy walks onto the little island in the middle of the infinity pool lining the oceans and mountains in the background. The mountains are surrounded by clouds. They’re literally above the clouds. It’s probably raining down there. There’s an orchard with lemon and plums to the west of the wall outside, and a green statue of a golfer further in. Bunnies jump on the lawn in the background.
The boy sits under a sun umbrella, opens the pop tart and starts to eat it. He looks off with his face flat. He gets a text message:
FAM: when u wanna paddle out? [PURPLE DEVIL FACE EMOJI]
The Boy texts back:
THE BOY: pick me up
[[NEXT|BTI-6]]
CUT TO:
EXT. MANSION FRONT DRIVEWAY - MORNING
An old, red (a gross red. a weak red) Mazda rolls up to the front of the mansion and sputters to a stop. FAM, steps out of the car. Daps up .
FAM
Lets take one of yours.
THE BOY
Nah.
FAM:
Really, mane? You want us to drive around in my car? I don’t think it’ll make it, honestly. It broke down at my mom’s. Plus...it looks like my car.
THE BOY
Right. It’s inconspicuous.
FAM
My nigga, who are you hiding from?
THE BOY
It’s not stuttin. It’s your car.
FAM
Why do you even care?
<b>“...why do you even care?”</b>
THE BOY
Aight.
[[NEXT|BTI-7]]INT. GARAGE - MORNING
The garage door rises to reveal Fam and The Boy’s silhouette. Five cars are in the garage. There’s a Tesla Model S, Silver 911, some car no one’s ever seen, a Tahoe and some car under a tarp. Looks like it could be an Aston Martin. Fam smiles.
That one-
THE BOY(pointing to the car no one’s ever seen)
FAM
No.
THE BOY
The beamer.
We didn’t even see this one. It’s in the far corner of the garage. It’s a nice car. Older, but nice and sleek. Understated, to some. It’s black paint is chipping in the front. Fam shakes his head.
FAM
Nah...nah.
They get in the 911.
[[NEXT|BTI-8]] CUT TO:
EXT. SANTA MONICA CONDOS - DAY
The 911 pulls up to a nice condo complex. Fam honks the horn for a while. Like a jerk.
SOMEONE FROM A WINDOW
I work nights, dickhead!
FAM
I know. Fuck me, right?
Fam honks more.
The Boy checks his twitter feed. Twitter name <a href="https://twitter.com/thegoldmolar">“You Are Unimportant"</a> You can see from his feed he just trolls all the time. Politicians, athletes, entertainers, etc. His favorite was simply re-tweeting something someone says. When it was dumb enough to just re-tweet, that was his favorite. He’d gotten a lot of followers that way. Written an article once for a blog. Got more followers. He started posting videos of homeless people doing stuff and fights downtown.
He was looking for something to retweet on his time-line. People say dumb shit all the time...
...someone tweeted “roscoe’s wetsuit”.
<b>“...what’s that?”</b>
The Boy drops “roscoes wetsuit” into Google. A <a href="https://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130904163356AAzCGEM">Yahoo answer</a> comes up for it. The answer to “what is roscoe’s wetsuit?” is...“roscoe’s wetsuit”. Hilarious.
[[SWANK|SWANK]], [[STEVE|STEVE]], [[MARCUS|MARCUS]], and [[AJ|AJ]] walk out of the condo. They have longboards with them and they’re eating candy. They stop in their tracks when they see the 911.
SWANK
re:boards
How we supposed to get these in there?
FAM
You guys take your car.
STEVE
What about your boards? Where are they?
FAM
Can we borrow some?
They all make a face.
SWANK
We need a bigger car then. I’ma drive to your house and get the Tahoe.
THE BOY
Come on, guys. This is taking forever.
AJ
Where we going?
FAM
Dockweiler.
MARCUS
I swam into a diaper last time.
FAM
IM GRIMEY. I ONLY SWIM IN DIRTY WATERS! YOU KNOW THIS!
SOMEONE (AGAIN)
Shut the fuck up!
Fam honks the horn.
SWANK
I’m drivin that Porsche the way back. I know that shit.
Swank and Steve walk toward their car parked on the street.
THE BOY
What’s “roscoe’s wetsuit” mean?
FAM
I don’t know.
They drive off.
[[NEXT|BTI-9]]
EXT. DOCKWEILER BEACH - DAY
The guys carry the boards through the sand to ocean, making a strange pattern behind them. They setup camp and start changing on the beach.
MARCUS
I thought someone was bringing girls.
THE BOY
No one wants to get up this early.
MARCUS
Did you ask white girls?
THE BOY
I asked every girl.
FAM
You a lie. You didn’t ask anybody.
You don’t leave the house.
STEVE
Why white girls?
MARCUS
Cause no one is getting up at 6AM to go into the freezing, dirty ass ocean, fuck up their hair-
At that moment, they all notice a girl sitting on her board in the ocean. Waiting for a wave she looks behind her. She is black.
MARCUS (CONT’D)
(to AJ)
See? This is what I mean about Donnie Darko happening to me.
A plane flies low overhead (Dockweiler is right next to LAX).
MARCUS (CONT’D)
(staring at the plane)
It’s gonna crush me.
SWANK
re: girl
It’s like seeing a mermaid.
STEVE
Maybe it’s a manatee.
(R. Kelly)
Marcus runs to the water with his board. They all follow.
[[NEXT|BTI-10]]EXT. OCEAN - MORNING
Marcus swims up to the girl on his board.
MARCUS
Sup.
GIRL
Hi.
MARCUS
I’m Marcus.
SASHA
[[Sasha|Sasha]].
MARCUS
It’s lookin alright today.
SASHA
(Australian accent)
Yeah. It’s the only reason I’m out here.
MARCUS
Oh, you’re Australian.
(pause)
You ever seen “Kangaroo Jack”?
SASHA
(not looking at him)
Yeah.
MARCUS
Classic.
SASHA
...wha?
MARCUS
(not mean...just serious)
It’s a fucking classic.
Silence. Sasha is weirded out. All the guys, except The Boy, swim up.
STEVE
(to Sasha. Out of breath)
Hi. Did Marcus ruin it already?
SASHA
Yes.
Steve splashes Marcus.
Swank takes a plastic bag with four blunts in it. He takes one out. He lights up a blunt. Talks with it hanging in his mouth.
SWANK
How long you been surfing?
SASHA
Ten years. You?
SWANk
Bouta month.
AJ
Cops don’t come out here. It’s a good place to smoke. You want some?
He passes it. She takes a hit.
SWANK
What you doin tonight?
SASHA
My friend’s birthday in Santa Monica.
MARCUS
Yo, we’re right around close. We’re having a party tonight in a [[mansion|"CLAPPING FOR THE WRONG REASONS"]]. You should come. And if your friend’s a girl or a guy who has weed, they should come too.
AJ
I’m Djing. I start off with Jodeci, then the switch over to 90’s rap using “Dream Lover” to transition, play ACTUAL ATLANTA TRAP for an hour, hour and a half. Then motown, soul, and house. Girls. Go. Crazy.
SASHA
What’s your DJ name?
AJ
Twercules. no “DJ”. Just [[Twercules|Twercules]]. I got a tumblr were I post my mixes. It’s getting pretty popular. I don’t know. You sing? Model? Act?
SASHA
I’ma go in.
Sasha starts paddling and catches a wave into the beach.
AJ
I shouldn’t have said “bitches”.
MARCUS
(thinks)
...you didn’t.
AJ thinks on this. This is probably saying more about him than he realizes.
[[NEXT|BTI-11]]EXT. BEACH - MORNING
Sasha carries her board onto the beach. The Boy is sitting there.
SASHA
You goin in?
THE BOY
Don’t know yet.
SASHA
Then why’d you put on your wetsuit?
<b>...roscoe's wetsuit. </b>
THE BOY
Everyone else was.
SASHA
That’s an awful reason.
She starts walking.
THE BOY
You should come to the party. It’ll be fun.
They invited you, right?
SASHA
Where is it?
THE EDIT
[EDIT]. Text me [EDIT].
SASHA
I’ll remember. I’ll bring some friends.
She walks off.
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[[You can’t live your life on a bus...|CAMP]]
[[...bec a use the in t e rnet|BTI-2]]
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[[You can’t live your life on a bus...|CAMP]] <img src="https://upload-assets.vice.com/files/2015/05/28/1432850801fam_rothstein_photo_by_jimmy_marble.jpg" width="500" height="300" alt="FAM">
[[You can’t live your life on a bus...|CAMP]] <img src="https://40.media.tumblr.com/cfcc3b1cf509b1c5b4bc94d6317eafe0/tumblr_nlwz050Sw31u8pv6bo1_500.jpg" width="500" height="300" alt="swank">
[[CONDO|BTI-8]]<img src="https://f1.bcbits.com/img/0000231772_10.jpg" width="500" height="300" alt="steve">
[[CONDO|BTI-8]]<img src="http://static.spin.com/files/131204-Lollapalooza-12-Chance-the-Rapper-year-in-music.jpg" width="500" height="300" alt="marcus">
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[[OCEAN|BTI-10]] LATER THAT DAY:
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EXT. I-10 - EVENING
The guys drive down the highway eating In-n-Out. Head nods all around. Swank is now driving the Porsche. Crazily. Fam is with The Boy and the rest of the guys in the other car. Marcus drops his animal style fries on the floor.
MARCUS
Fuck.
FAM
You see you fuckin up this car?
THE BOY
It’s fine.
FAM
He’s driving crazy.
(iphone goes off)
And he’s textin me.
The text says: <b>R E C K L E S S</b>
FAM (CONT’D)
This nigga’s so lame.
The Boy sees a tweet of the lead singer of a boy band tweet “follow your heart and [HEART EMOJI] all who cross your path!”. The Boy retweets it with a [LAUGHING/CRYING EMOJI].
FAM (CONT’D)
I gotta stop somewhere first.
[[NEXT|BTI-13]] CUT TO:
EXT. CLUB - NIGHT
Fam pulls outside of a club. Lots of people are trying to get in. He and The Boy get out and walk to the bouncer, their friend CHEESE. Fam and Cheese dap. The Boy stands on the side next to a line of people trying get in VIP. They look at eachother. He is not dressed appropriately to get in.
Fam and Cheese do that handshake thing they do. Fam walks in.
Some guys in a black SUV rolls by and yell at the dude next to The Boy.
MAN IN CAR
Dont let me catch you out here Jay!
Don’t let me catch you!
The Boy watches this for a second. He looks down for a moment...
Someone has spray painted “roscoe’s wetsuit” on the sidewalk. He stares at it.
MAN IN CAR (CONT’D)
I got yours, muthafucka!
The Boy snaps out of it. Then takes out his phone and starts recording the fight. Fam walks out and sees the fight in action.
JAY (I GUESS?)
You scared, bitch! That’s why you scared!
MAN IN CAR
I got something for yo hoe-ass my nigga!
POP. POP.
<b>..what’s happening?</b>
Jay is bleeding from his stomach. The Boy is seeing this through his phone. It takes a moment for him to realize-
POP. POP.
<b>...run. now.</b>
Fam is already running. Everyone in the line is screaming and running. The Boy runs.
COP
Drop your weapon!
(these are cleaner and succinct) [[POP.POP.POP.|Yaphet Koto]]
Runs to the side of the building. The SUV that was firing slows down. The driver is dead. Car horn blares as the car slows to a stop, mixing with girls crying and “oh shit!” and “fuck”. Jay is very close to dead. The blood on the sidewalk is almost black. A street sign (No parking between 7-9am and 4-7pm) is reflected in the dark blood. He turns to The Boy, looks around. He knows what’s happening. He’s leaving.
That was the end. He’ll never read this sentence. Or any sentence. He ended earlier. Before this sentence. As far as he knows, before any sentence. He’s back to his/the natural state.
The Boy felt something.
On the internet, you really don’t have to feel much of anything unless you want to. It’s funny, cause this dude is dead. There really isn’t a connection...it’s more him seeing himself for the first time since-
SOME NIGGA
Damnnnnn.....!
HIS FRIEND
<a href="http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/"WORLDSTAR!></a>
The Boy’s phone rings:
THE BOY
Yeah.
FAM
Get in the car.
The Boy turns and sees the car rolling up to the alley he’s hiding in. The Boy runs up and jumps in. They speed off.
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